the bruce
March 16, 2008
i can’t tell you how many times i have seen braveheart, without doubt it is one of my favorite movies. we watched it again just a couple of nights ago. yet this time i found that, while reflecting on this epic story, i thought most not of william wallace, but of robert the bruce. there is no internal struggle with wallace, all his struggles are of the external variety. it could be that in the past i felt unwavering and above reproach, only battling with evil external forces that wish to crush the abundant strength and overwhelming goodness that i believed to be within me.
i have an idea why this time was different… a short while ago i was reading the psalms of david (eighteen) when, overwhelmed by the strength of his enemies, david exclaims, ‘He brought me forth also into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me.’ i’m afraid that i do not see God as one who would delight in me. take care of me, yes, but because it is a gracious thing to do. but certainly not because He enjoys it. this doesn’t quite agree with quite a few areas of scripture:
the Lord your God is in your midst,
a victorious warrior.
He will exult over you with joy,
He will be quiet in His love,
He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.
- Zephaniah
the bruce had a mind, and plenty of pressure, to increase his title and lands whatever the cost. he longed thought to be like wallace, and trade his title for humility and risk his lands on the battlefield for the cause of goodness and freedom. stumbling through the aftermath of the battle at falkirk, he finally realized what was being sacrificed for his title and lands. broken by this, he leads his people to battle and frees scotland from english tyranny.
i do not yet know what must be sacrificed for win this battle of mine, but i want to. i no longer want to feel like a young child that has been sent off to boarding school before phones were invented. i feel that it may have something to do with much bitterness and anger towards God, but i’m not sure where to start plowing that mess…
Hey Lex, it’s been a while, maybe we can stay in touch a little better on here. I can definitely resonate (in some general ways) with you on this one. I feel I’ve been stuck fighting some internal battles within me for some time now, with little victory. I miss the external, where you can see your enemy, where it’s coming from, what it’s doing. The internal battles sneak up from behind, and I just find myself asking ‘where did this come from?’ Anyways, although I don’t understand specifically what you’re going through, some of this definitely resonates with me and I think I understand at least a little piece of how you must feel. God’s delight in us is true, we’ve just got to find a way to believe it.